You should just copy and paste this and save it for reference:
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Banter
-Retard-
* Today is day of the disabled. Please send an encouraging message to a retarded friend, just as I did. Hang in there Sunshine. You are fucking special
* Tag! You're mine! Today is National CLAIM A RETARD DAY. So you're my retard, Hurry and tag as many as u can! No tagbacks..
* Everytime I see u, I smile. When u walk, I laugh. When u speak, I get excited. For some reason, retarded people amuse the hell out of me!
* Hey..do me a favor and text me right back. Just hi or something. My friends dont believe retards can text. We'll show em lil buddy
* In 2009 the government will start killing all mentally challenged people. I started crying when I thought about you. Run little buddy run!
* I don't care if you lick windows, take the special bus or occasionally pee on yourself... You hang in there sunshine, you're friggin special.
* Remember guys tomorrow is "Hug a retard" day...So don't freak out like you did last year, NO ONE IS TRYING TO HURT YOU!
-Slut-
* The 10th Annual Penis Sucking contest is Friday. We are asking that you not participate so someone ELSE can win this year!!
* This is a breathalizer test. Please blow in the phone.....
Result: Positive 90% for sperm breath
* Hey what's up. I just ran into someone you used to fuck around with. They told me they recently got diagnosed with HIV. But don't worry.. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico!
* What's wrong with ur phone? Everytime I call it says "The subscriber ur tryin 2 reach is currently Giving Head. Please try again.
* I'm SO FUCKING PISSED! I lost 3 hoes today, 1 at the strip club, 1 at the corner, and WHERE THE FUCK R U?
* I asked santa for a puppy, I got 3, asked for a dollar, I got $10, I asked for a ho, and I got this number
* Some fucker was talking shit about u, saying u eat dick sandwiches, but i got ur back, i told him u dont even like bread!!!
* Christmas is CANCELLED. Apparently u told Santa u were good.. in bed-and he DIED LAUGHING. Thanks a lot fuckin liar!
-Sexual-
* If I told you you had a hot body.. would you hold it against me?
* Hey come to the bathroom with me.. the doctor says I shouldn't lift anything heavy..
* I had a wet dream about you last night .... I pissed myself laughing when you fell of a cliff!
* me: "I put $2 in a mind reading machine and it told me some cute but dorky girl was thinking dirty thoughts about me."
her: "maybe you should get ur $2 back ?
Me: "Well it's pretty accurate since you have such great taste in men.
"
* I just woke up from a dream I'm all sweaty
* I miss you & wanna see u, but this dumb security guard won't let me in the zoo. Is there any way u can escape?
* Come to my house... Lets torture my penis by putting plastic bag around his head, shove it in a dark tunnel and make it do push ups till he throw up!"
* Aliens are coming to abduct all the good looking sexy ass people! You will be safe, I'm just texting to say goodbye
* Why'd you have to give your mom my phone number..? She won't quit calling me now..
* Today is National Good-Looking Person day. Send this to someone gorgeous. Don't send it back to me. I've received fucking hundreds.
* In the morning I do not eat because I think of you, at noon I do not eat because I think of you, in the evening I do not eat because I think of you, at night I do not sleep because I am hungry.
* Wen i look at the sun i c u!wen i look at the moon i c u!wen i look at the sea I c u... well get out of my way!
* question: leather, lace or licorice?
* dresscode is casual but (something very sexual like "don't you even think about wearing panties" or "I expect a low cut top")
* I am luring girls to my house with candy, which do you prefer skittles or M&M's?
* msg 1. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met,
msg 2. Let's go to Vegas and get married right now.
msg 3. Oh, sorry. Wrong number.
* Come over, give me a massage and suck my cock
* fuck buddy appreciation day, just wanted to say thanks for everything.
* Do you know why you suck?
No, why?
Because I tell you to. Bam!
* I know my math u+i equals 69
* I don't know who you're boyfriend is...but he's not spanking you enough!
* I don't think you're ready for this jelly
* Awww, you're so sweet. You're making me get diabetes.
* I just don't think we should do this anymore...Sometimes you make me feel like I am just a piece of meat.
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* SURPRISE!
* Knock knock...
* Girls are gross...
* I hope you are smiling. If not just think of me!
* How's my favorite little brat doing?
* I just made you open your phone for no reason...looks like I got you in check =]
* Hey goof, I bet my weekend can beat up your weekend.
* What sort of trouble are you causing?
* A survey stated that 99% of all homos check their messages with their thumbs. Don't try to change now you HOMO!
* Too bad we're both so popular.. otherwise we could hang out more..
Oh did I say popular..? I meant poplar! You need to make like a tree and leave..
* Hey ever seen an asshole wrapped in plastic..? Just look at ur driver's license..
* Someday u may lose ur hair.u may lose ur teeth- ur money & even lose ur mind.But 1 thing u will never loose is ur good looks.coz u cant lose wot u don't have!
* Saw u driving the other day...why so many cats with u in ur car?!? I only keep 1 or 2 in mine because it's nice to always have pussy nearby. But you???
* Your horoscope this morning. quite interesting. good luck today
* lol i just seen the most absurd , and weirdest thing ...... and when it passed for some reason i just thought of you ....
* Let's fly to Las Vegas, get married, argue about our third kid's name, divorce, and grow old lonely and depressed
* dude. you're like so not fun. youre like trying to watch the playboy channel when you're 10 and it's all scrambled so you can only catch a glimpse of a boobie every so often
* we are so getting a divorce, but I want my CDs back.
* It's 12:34... make a wish.
* Congratulations
for what?" "what did i do?" "why?"
i was just thinking of u. congratulations
* I just made you open your phone for no reason.
* Out of all the (first name) (last name)'s I know... I think your my favorite.
* You just popped into my head so Hi...now please stay out of there
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Fun
* If the Indians would have killed a cat instead of a turkey we would all be eating pussy for Thanksgiving..
* Humpty Dumpty sat on the bed, Little Bo Peep was giving him head, as soon as he came she started to weep, she knew by the taste he'd been fucking her sheep
* CNN BREAKING NEWS: All the women in Iraq have shaved their pussy's in protest of the war. Their message 2 the world is READ OUR LIPS, NO MORE BUSH
* How is it that you can sue cigarette co. for cancer and McDonalds for gettin' fat but not Budweiser for all the ugly people you fuck?
* If two people are having sex and the girl is on top and her pussy stinks.. does that mean she's riding Dirty?
* A lil boy walked past his parents bedroom door, looked in the keyhole and said "and that bitch gets made when I suck my thumb!"
* The Post Office sent out a new stamp today with a woman's pussy on it! It's causing a lot of confusion.. muthafuckas don't know which side to lick
* Today's chinese buffet menu: Chu sum twat, Suk mi cock, Lik sum clit, Tung sum ho, Gulp sum cum & Cho kon it! Tank u cum again
* Ur riding a horse full speed, a giraffe beside you, an elephant in front.. a snarling lion right behind you. What do u do? ...Get your drunk ass off the damn carousel!
* It's illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole in georgia.
* A condom tells a tampon "u always stop my business 4 a week!" The tampon says, "Yeah but when u fuck up I lose my job!"
* Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water
Jack "fell down" on top of Jill and now they have a daughter
* If quizzes are quizzical... what are tests?
* Marco!
* txt txt txt at 5:00 in the morning... MATT YOU DICK STOP TXTING ME!
* Stand Back! I'm going to try Science!
Misdirection
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* was nervous at first, it was big & long &went straight up, Ihad to try it... i eased myself onto it & i liked it! i went up & down on it, i love escalators now
* From the moment I saw u, I wanted to be inside u, I love ur smell, the way ur tongue feels, the way u tighten and loosen mmmmmmmmmmmmm ..NEW SHOES!!!!!!!!!!
* He came 2 me 1 nite... explored my body... licked- sucked- swallowed & had his fill... wen satisfied he left... I was hurt... DAMN MOSQUITO
* It goes in dry it comes out wet.the longer its in the stronger it gets.we can have it in bed just you and me...its not what you think its a cup of tea!
* Last nite i wantd u.needed u so badly dat it hurt.wantd 2 taste u.i wantd u in me so u could work ur magic on me...but i couldnt find u.u stupid.. PARACETAMOL!
* At 1st a little nibble- a slow & temptin lick.i suck & munch my liquid lunch & den i swallow quick! CADBURYS CREAM EGG HOW DO U EAT URS?
* Tell me.is it going in?..yeah ..is it hurting?..ooh yeah ..ouch its hurtin ..ok i wil put it in slowly ..stil hurtin..ahh yeh ..den lets try d other shoe madam
* Last nite i coodnt sleep.i wantd u warm against my skin.i wantd u on me.i wantd 2 feel u all over my body.. but i coodnt find u!Where did i put my PYJAMAS?
* I luv the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh creatin a creamy foamy liquid, as it thrust in & out up& down, can't wait til nxt time I LUV MY TOOTHBRUSH
* come here.take off ur pants and get on top of me....enjoy me until ur totally satisfied lovingly urs TOILET!!!!
* I luv u- I luv u- I luv u almighty,I wish ur pyjamas were close to me nighty.Dont be mistaken.now dont be mislead I mean on the clothesline and not in my bed
* It goes in dry it comes out wet.the longer its in the stronger it gets.we can have it in bed just you and me. what is it?
lol what the hell where did u get this from?
you suck at riddles ginseng, its a cup of tea.
* Hey don't say anything but guess who's still together after all the shit between them? ur buttcheeks!"
Comfort
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* What are you doing, cutie? :-)
* I just pictured you naked in my arms... mmm
* Ciao bella! / Mi amore! / My cheri amore!
* I love how soft your lips are, I can't wait to kiss them again.
* I was thinking of you...
* Something about u seems to always make me smile.
* Sweet dreams, sexy. :-) [name]
* Hey I hope you got home safe. [name]
Shit Tests
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* Either you're trying to be smart and witty, or you're really dumb. I'm not sure.
Flakes
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* I just met your twin
* I like talking to you and I don't play games. I think we're really good together. Lets try it if not that's cool and I'm glad we met.
